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Not Tapped Out Yet

1/20/2020

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I read somewhere that dancing is one of the best exercises for the brain. I also read about the plasticity of the brain and its ability to create new neurons and pathways  at any age. Could this idea be part of the solution to fewer "senior moments"? I have the added pressure to stay alert because my son is a doctor and at any sign of weakness, his medical training kicks into gear. All joking aside (kinda), the body and brain are a team, so I am always curious about ways to cater to both while still having fun.

So low and behold, last October, I received a notice from my daughter's old dance studio (Soo Dance Unlimited) about an adult beginner tap dance class. Automatically, images of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers flashed in my head - I was on stage with the bright lights, the glittery costume, and the wild applause. Coming back to reality, I realized that learning tap was something that fit my criteria; good for the body and brain but more importantly, it is social and fun. So here I am 10 classes later, tapping, albeit, a little laboured but still an enthusiastic member of "Chrissy's Rockstar Tappers". The combined sound of the group tapping and the lighthearted laughter are food for my soul  as well as my body and mind. I think, Wendy Rose is a good stage name, what do you think?

I am finding that likes, dislikes and desires don't diminish as you age. Plus, there are fewer excuses or inhibitions to hide behind as in years past (kids, job, the need to impress etc.) and even fewer number of years ahead to postpone those desires. If the urge is there, then there is a hidden talent, waiting to be exposed - go after it! Remember age is only a number and you are never fully tapped out until your final curtain call.







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Rewiring Replaces Retiring

1/18/2020

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The word "retiring", should be retired from a person's vocabulary and replaced with "rewiring". My rewiring began at 57 when I choice to leave the 9 to 5 workforce to enjoy the last third of my life as my own boss. I was never heavily invested in a career or rising up the corporate ladder. Whatever position I took, had to meet the following criteria:
  • Worked with my family's schedule
  • The job had to have a continual learning curve
  • Was located close to home so walking was an option and having one car was never an issue
  • I would not be micromanaged and there was room for personal input
  • The organization was customer oriented and not all about the bottom dollar
  • An opportunity to empower and not enable others was the main vision

Looking back I accomplished that and was able to help with the family expenses as well. At 57, my kids were grown, financially independent; and my husband had only a couple of years until his "rewiring". I jumped ship. I know everyone's situation and goals are different but I looked at my situation. Sure, the house (1912 vintage) is small and a little dated but it is paid for. I can live with my 90's colour scheme and painting techniques (sponge painting will come back). Unfortunately, home renovations are not one of my talents or desires. My perks of being more available to family, friends and myself are my priorities.

My strongest fascination now, as I age, relates to the "big picture" and how we as humans fit in. My human brain will never fully figure out that question but I am open to exploring and rewiring and learning more about myself, through new experiences. My desire is to write about my aging escapades and  hopefully inspire others to head their own expedition of self-discovery.



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Finding the Gold in Getting Old: To My Youthful Self

1/14/2020

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In our western society being young and youthful looking is greatly valued. People go to great lengths to stop the march of time. In caveman days, being young and virile was an advantage because hunting, reproducing, and sometimes fleeing danger were all essential to survival. However, these days, the Man Cave or She Shack take on a very different function - more of fun and relaxation. So why do we continue as a society, to fight the aging process? Why not accept and revere the gathering of wisdom and liberating insights that come with each passing year?

Oftentimes, ironically, our youth is spent wishing to be older so we can spread our wings and be more independent, and ignore the gifts that are right in front of us. Then, at a certain, self-proclaimed age, we panic and try to no avail, to put the brakes on the aging process.

If my 62 year old self could speak to my 16 year old self, I would share the following:
  • don't worry so much about pleasing people or living up to others    expectations; the people who love you unconditionally just want you to be happy
  • the outside may age but the inner child remains intact
  • don't try to fit in, be yourself and your tribe will find you
  • confidence, self-acceptance and self-love are ageless attractants
  • challenges are simply the catalyst for growth and not punishment
  • life is constantly changing so appreciate the good and face the bad; they too shall pass
  • discover your strengths and passions and master them
  • take care of yourself; you only have one body to carry you through this life and nurture it
  • try new things, press beyond your comfort zone, question and never stop learning
  • don't work so hard that you have no time to take in the tiny, fleeting moments of joy present each day - be more of a human being rather than a continual human doing
  • you don't need to have everything figured out; make a conscious decision, if you don't like the outcome, choose again
  • you are worthy by just being alive; the purpose of doing and feeling is discovering just how powerful you really are despite what you have been told
  • choose to be happy and grateful now, and not in the future, so no matter what adventures or desires you pursue, you will lead a more satisfying life of contentment and not a life of want
  • you are made from a loving source, you are love and you are never alone; the Universe has your back -just look at the beauty and balance of nature
  • despite what you think, you never know it all and that's okay
  • be open-minded and flexible with your beliefs so you have room to grow and are open to limitless possibilities

There are other little nuggets of wisdom in my back pocket but I am sure my 16 year old self has long since tuned me out. That's okay because I am still practicing and discovering them experientially myself. The whole purpose of life is to be curious, have emotional experiences and face challenges that slowly strips back the layers or masks that we've built up since birth. Throughout this process I have come to realize that the pure source of love, joy, power and acceptance is not an outside quest but rather an inward journey of self-awareness. So 16 year old self; your 62 year old self feels grateful, blessed and abundant despite not matching up to society's view of success. Enjoy your youth, trust your inner compass and fear not; you will eventually, "Find the Gold in Getting Old!".

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Grief is Love

1/10/2020

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Life is like a roller coaster. It has its highs and its lows. It is all part of the human experience. Fully embracing life means being willing to face those highs and lows and continue to move forward with the flow. To live is to love and to love is to eventually experience loss. The pain or the grief from loss is merely the other face of love. The deeper the pain, the greater the love that was present for that something or someone.

Everyone grieves in different ways, at different intensities, for different lengths of time. Grief is as unique as the person. The one thing that is common for everyone is the need for the pain to been seen and to share that pain with others. Funerals, wakes, vigils, memorials etc. are various ways for people to gather and to witness grief together.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a psychiatrist and pioneer in near-death studies and David Kessler, a death and grieving expert, wrote about the 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages do not necessarily follow that order. A person may bounce back and forth between 2 or more of the stages over time. Acceptance doesn't happen all at once but often little bits at a time. In David Kessler's latest book, Finding Meaning, he states that the pain will eventually shift when a sixth stage of grief enters the picture - meaning. Finding meaning in a person's death helps you deal with the pain.

Find meaning in the good memories and the legacy the departed has left behind; carrying on a trait, a philosophy or tradition that is strongly associated with the loved one. My brother left his job in Toronto at a young age and began an online freelance business that allowed him to move to Montreal and immerse in the French language and later move onto France to enjoy the beauty, food and culture of the coastal city of Nice. The memory of his open-mindedness and pursuit of simplicity and personal freedom is an ongoing inspiration to me seven years after his death.

My dad died about 3 years ago. He had dementia, macular degeneration and prostate cancer. The most obvious decline occurred during the last 3 years of his life. In a way, I experienced little bouts of grief as his health and independence faded away. Giving up his car license, unable to walk around the block by himself without getting lost or confused, losing the mind/body connection and being confined to a wheelchair, no longer being able to play his clarinet or saxophone, moving to a nursing home,  and the catheter and frequent infections as the prostrate enlarged, were some of the mini deaths I witnessed and mourned along with him. When the time did come to move him to the hospice, my acceptance and gratitude were there for such a peaceful place to play out his final song.

I was blessed to be with my dad as he drew his last breath. My mom says I have my dad's sense of humour, something he emanated throughout his life. Despite or maybe because of his blindness and dementia he was able to live in the moment and forget any discomfort that he experienced a few minutes previously. Fortunately for our family, he never forgot who we were. I enjoyed the fact that he remembered me, and to him I was still a youthful, high school girl. He made me realize that there is joy in any situation and that if you can't find the humour in life, what is the use in living.

My mom was a tireless caregiver and advocate. It was because of my dad's illness that she found her voice. Their relationship was strengthened and more tender because in his case, the dementia weakened his ego and allowed his true heart to shine through. In his moments of clarity, he spoke his truth from the heart and oftentimes, it was very profound.

Further meaning is given to death due to my belief that a person's soul or essence lives on once the body shuts down. The love and connection continues on in a new form. How often have people talked about feeling the presence of a departed loved one, witnessing the erratic behaviour of a bird or animal in nature as if trying to get their attention or coming across objects in strange places (feathers, coins) that made them feel that their loved ones were making themselves known. For me, the signs came in the form of a butterflies that would land on me or hover close to me when my heart desired to know my dad was still around. I asked my dad to be with me when I took my first trip to Europe in 2018. When I was in Amsterdam on a cool October day, I noticed the strange phenomena of a live butterfly on a white frame separating two black front doors. There were no other butterflies in sight - my dad was along for the ride. In Nice, France, on the day I was going to spread my brother's ashes, I walked a long promenade by the beach and there was a lone man playing a familiar jazz song on his saxophone - immediately my emotions rose and I felt my dad's presence.

Death is not strong enough to end love.  Life takes on a new normal. We experience love and great loss but life continues around us. We will never be the same but we can grow from the grief and make our lives even more meaningful after a death. In so doing we honour our loved ones and we become whole again. We never forget, never stop loving or never break the bond. Grief is inevitable but the gift of eternal love makes it all worth it.



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