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Tap into Your Creative Power

5/26/2015

In previous blogs I have talked about how basically everything and everyone is an intermingling of vibrating energy at different frequencies. This energy cannot be created or destroyed but merely transformed into the reality that we see around us. Our thoughts are energy. When we focus and act upon them, this energy creatively and collectively gathers together to give birth to the material form. The time frame for this to happen depends upon our awareness of and our determination to use our powerful creative talents.

If we could put this creativity into a formula, it would look something like this:

Awareness + Desire + (Imagination*Belief) + Action = Unlimited Possibilities

Awareness:

Be aware of your thoughts and how you react to them
Be conscious of your choices
Question those negative beliefs that hold you back
Know your desires but be grateful for what you do have
Expect discomfort or fear as you pursue something new
Be aware of your creative power and past successes

Desire:

Decide what you want to experience in this life
What are you passionate about? The more passion you have

about something, the more determined you will be to stick to
the goal of achieving it.

Focus on someone who has achieved what you desire. Don't

        use the excuse that you haven't done it in the past so why
        would you be able to do it now. We all have the same inner power
      so believe in it and use it.

Imagination*Belief:

The subconscious does not differentiate between a real image or an imaginary one so imagine that new job that you want in detail. Daydream. What does the environment look like? What are your co-workers like? What type of work are you doing? What are your hours?

Use all your senses when you are visualizing your desires. What does your desire see, hear, smell and feel like.
Refer to your desire as if you have already obtained it. Visualize how this accomplishment would change your future.

Action:

Take small steps each day towards creating your desire
Ask questions, use resources such as the internet, network with

like-minded people, make those business cards, walk around block,
take that workshop etc.

Create new habits that move you towards your goal. It will be uncomfortable and an effort at first but ultimately empowering.
Be open to synchronicities (mistakenly called coincidences) that are generated by the universe as a result of your focused desires and act on them.

Napoleon Hill said: "Any thing the mind can conceive and believe it will achieve."

In the spirit of gratitude, fun and adventure tap into that creative power.

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Question Your Thoughts

5/19/2015

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Our thoughts are not something that we consciously conger up. They originate from a very active subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind contains all of our life experiences, the meanings we attach to everyday events and our ability to make quick judgements and sometimes life and death decisions. So if we want to overcome many of the obstacles that are preventing us from having a fuller and richer life experience, then we need to pay attention to the thoughts produced by this subliminal world of the subconscious.

We are never alone. Wherever we go, our thoughts are there chattering away at us. If we are afraid of being alone, could it possibly mean that we are afraid of our own thoughts? The way that we relate to our thoughts determines how we relate to others and to ourselves.

Stored Memory                   Possible Resulting Thought
bit by a dog                         no dog can be trusted
abandoned as a child            I'm not good enough or lovable
broken relationship               I need someone's love to feel complete
pressure to achieve              I am only valued by what I do
feelings ignored                    I seek love and approval from others
materially deprived               I need to find someone for security

Many of our thoughts deal with the human quest of seeking love, approval and appreciation.

"If I only found that right person to love, I would be complete."
"If I only got that promotion, I would be more respected."
"If I lose the weight, I would be more lovable."
"If I do get that job, my parents will approve of me."
"If I try harder to make him happy, he will appreciate me more."

As we go through life, layer upon layer of life experiences and conditioning alter the way we view our reality. We forget that under all those layers is our true loving essence or spirit that is complete in itself and does not need to look outside for approval or love. A baby works from the premise of total self-love and self-acceptance. It is not worried about trying to impress or seek approval. A baby lives in the moment, asking for what it needs in that moment to thrive. A baby knows how to be its true authentic self. The newborn starts out with 2 basic fears - loud noises and the fear of falling. All other fears are fabricated as the child grows and interacts with the world.

How to question our thoughts?

When you are feeling upset, anxious or unhappy about a situation...

W - What is my thought about this situation?
H - How do I react or feel when I buy into this thought?
A - is there Absolute truth or fact to my thought?
T - Does Turning, flipping and dropping the thought provide a healthier,
       more enlightened and beneficial perspective.

Example:

W - "My boss doesn't notice the extra time I put in."
H - "I feel taken advantage of and unappreciated."
A - FACT - "I have a hard time saying "no" so maybe the boss does not know that I am swamped with work. The boss did give me a raise last year and does allow me to take workshops. She doesn't tend to micromanage me so she must trust me to do the job right."
T - "I allow myself to be taken advantage of by not being able to be honest about my workload. I want to impress and seek approval from my boss by working longer hours. So it is not my boss who needs to change, it is me who needs to be honest about the situation and speak up. By adopting this new thought and dropping the old one, I feel more empowered and more in control of the situation."

Question and stand up to your thoughts. You define how you want to be and what you want to do in this life - it is nobody's business but your own. Your greatest gift to the world is your authentic self and your unique talents. Don't let your negative or fearful thoughts fool you otherwise. "W.H.A.T." are you thinking?

Bryon Katie goes into this thought questioning process in more detail and her site is well worth checking out.

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Consciously Choose to Choose Consciously

5/11/2015

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We are continually absorbing and processing information every moment of every day. We are required to make countless decisions consciously or unconsciously as we navigate our way through life. Most of our decisions are made unconsciously - ex. those decisions to eat the whole bag of chips while watching TV or driving home on autopilot because your conscious brain is thinking about a work-related problem.
No wonder we feel like a victim of circumstances or a little out of control at times.

The subconscious mind is like a giant storage room that contains all of our life experiences, our skills, our memories, our beliefs and everything that we have been through or seen or continue to absorb. It is able to take in far more information per second than what our conscious mind perceives during that same second.

How much more powerful and more effective our lives would be if we based our decision making on conscious choice.

Totally unconscious choices are those decisions made without thinking about the consequences to you or someone else. These choices tend to be habits. Good habits such as daily brushing your teeth are beneficial but other bad habits that you unconsciously slip into rob you of your sense of control or a more fulfilling life.

On the other hand we may make a conscious decision but not take the time to really understand why we are making that decision and the implications behind it. In this situation, your subconscious is directing your choice. You may decide not to go for the interview for your "dream job" because you do not feel capable. As a child you may have been told you were "stupid" or that a particular occupation was not practical. This belief was stored in your subconscious and it will rear its ugly head and influence your future career decisions time and time again if your subconscious is left to call the shots.

Fully conscious decision-making has an awareness of subconscious conditioned fears but does not allow them to take the reins. The fully conscious choice is created by looking at the different aspects of the situation, balancing the pros and cons and tuning into the intuition and how the body feels - the "gut" feeling before making the final decision. This way, you are no longer the victim of the situation but rather the victor who is empowered and in control. Things may not always work out the way you would like them to but at least you did the best you could with the information and the problem-solving skills that you consciously used at the time. You can take full responsibility for the consequences.

So today, empower yourself and improve your life - Consciously Choose to Choose Consciously.

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Respond to the Feeling not the Behaviour

5/5/2015

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With two grown children and one granddaughter and a grandson on the way, I am still very much interested in the adult/child dynamic. After all, their is no greater platform to learning about your emotional maturity then in the parenting arena. Psychiatrist, Dr. Shefali Tsabary's latest book Out of Control talks about why discipline does not work.

Some of her thoughts on discipline:

The system of rewards and punishments does not allow the child to develop self-discipline and self-regulation. The child learns to be externally motivated rather than internally directed.

Discipline revolves around the parent trying to exert their will over the child.

The patterns of behaviour we witnessed in childhood subconsciously become the guidelines by which we parent, if we have not resolved the emotions surrounding them. Dr. Tsbary states "we are in many ways children raising children".

Often times the parent is obsessed with their own agenda and the role that they want their child to play. So much so that there is no space for the child to express their own will and feelings.

Behind every parent's story lies a child who was to some degree denied the development of their authentic self.

So what then...

Let the child experience natural consequences (automatically built into the situation) not ones we as parents impose. ex. if a teen misses the bus then he is late for school; a child pours too much in a glass, it spills and she cleans it up; a child doesn't do their homework and as a result gets a poor grade. Natural consequences teach children about cause and effect. The only time we interfere is when there is a real safety issue - ex. going to run across the street, swallowing something poisonous, or harming themselves or someone else. Unrelated consequences do not make sense to the child and do not teach them about real life - ex. no TV for a week becomes the child did not do his homework - how do the two things relate?

Make sure the child has age appropriate skills for the situation so as not to set him up to fail and then allow them to figure out the rest. This assists him in developing resilience.

Children see how we relate to ourselves and life and pick up on our subconscious messaging - our emotional vibes. "Unless we identify and untangle our emotional patterns, we will unwittingly foster dysfunctional behaviour in our children. All conflict with our children originates with our own internal subconscious conflicts.", says Dr. Tsbary. ex. the parent who turns to food or alcohol as a way to reduce stress - the child learns to handle his emotions in a similar fashion; a mother who fusses over her looks and complains about her weight sends a message to her daughter that looks are equated with self-worth.

If you don't really mean what you say, the child knows it and will push the parents buttons to get what they want. It is important to be clear about what our children need for their emotional development. It is also important that the parent and child knows their reality and what their assets and limitations as a family are. ex. instead of giving into those $300 running shoes, come up with a suitable plan that will show that child that his desires are valid and attainable through partnership, communication and work. Children learn that they are co-creators with the universe when they put their dreams into action.

Our children develop emotional sturdiness when they manage their emotions without the assistance of an external aid. ex. allow them to be bored. Let them experience and self-reflect. Allow them to feel what they are feeling. Validation and empathy provide coping tools based on creativity not discipline. Feelings that are denied have a way of manifesting into aberrant behaviour. ex. nightmares, stomach aches, depression, acting out.

The parent's responsibility is to figure the child out and deal with whoever she wants to be in any given moment - children are not our puppets. They have come to experience life through their own eyes.

Every child holds within them the wisdom required for their own growth. We have to clue into their needs through their behaviour. ex. rolling the eyes, rude words, tantrums, drugs, binge drinking are signs of a child or teen screaming for help.

Connection is the Key:

Create an open space for a child's authentic voice to be heard. Honour their hurt feelings that are behind the behaviour. Consider their needs not ours. What does the child need at this moment to thrive? Honouring a child's feelings is where the connection starts.

W - Witness - observe objectively with no personal agenda- connect with reality just as it is. Make it safe for them to confess their mistakes and admit their weaknesses and still be a good and valued person.

I - inquire - get to know this unique individual- what is meaningful to them.

N - neutrality - a child always responds at the feeling level not the logical level, and picks up on the emotion. Our requests need to be made firmly but kindly and come free of emotional baggage. Emotional pain on the part of the child is expressed through anger, blame toward us or sadness. We must tolerate these emotions in order to help them deal with them.

N - negotiate - Help them exercise power over their own lives. We need to be able to tolerate conflict so we can work with them towards a satisfactory resolution.

E - empathize - Have respect for where people are on their life's journey - despite their pain, people are exactly where they need to be if they are to grow and become empowered. Tolerate anxiety while staying fully present with someone in emotional pain. Don't try to rescue - just listen and aim to direct any discussion back to their own knowing.

R - repeat, rehearse, resolve -Resolve a conflict to a state of completion so their are no emotional remnants left. Resourcefulness - allow children to grow up in an atmosphere where they are honoured for the unique spirits that they are and they learn to trust their inner voice and their inherent capacity for coping with the struggles of life. They are unafraid of feeling sad, lonely or angry. The worth of child does not lie in how others see the child but in the child's own awareness of their uniqueness. Repetition and rehearsal are the most useful tools to help change a behaviour.

Dr. Tsbary goes on to share tips for staying out of the conflict zone or creative ways to execute positive reinforcement. However, my main take away from this very refreshing and liberating read was the following:

We have to accept ourselves and others so that parenting is not about discipline and control but about guidance. We have to model for our children a life of integrity, consistency, purpose and direction.

Dysfunctional behaviour in our children is all about unmet needs. They may have lost touch of who they really are.

Discipline is ultimately a form of manipulation - it focuses on controlling a child's behaviour and keeping them in line based on our own agenda. Instead the emphasis should be on understanding the child and thereby helping them become a person who is self-regulated, empowered and autonomous.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary's latest book Out of Control is very informative and practical. To be human is to be imperfect but as long as we admit our mistakes and are open to new perspectives and insights, allowing our children to be authentic, we will continue towards wholeness and growth as a parent and more importantly as a person.

As in any human relationship - focus on the feeling behind the behaviour for the true story before responding.

-

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Tap into Your Creative Power

Question Your Thoughts

Consciously Choose to Choose Consciously

Respond to the Feeling not the Behaviour

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