We are never alone. Wherever we go, our thoughts are there chattering away at us. If we are afraid of being alone, could it possibly mean that we are afraid of our own thoughts? The way that we relate to our thoughts determines how we relate to others and to ourselves.
Stored Memory Possible Resulting Thought
bit by a dog no dog can be trusted
abandoned as a child I'm not good enough or lovable
broken relationship I need someone's love to feel complete
pressure to achieve I am only valued by what I do
feelings ignored I seek love and approval from others
materially deprived I need to find someone for security
Many of our thoughts deal with the human quest of seeking love, approval and appreciation.
"If I only found that right person to love, I would be complete."
"If I only got that promotion, I would be more respected."
"If I lose the weight, I would be more lovable."
"If I do get that job, my parents will approve of me."
"If I try harder to make him happy, he will appreciate me more."
As we go through life, layer upon layer of life experiences and conditioning alter the way we view our reality. We forget that under all those layers is our true loving essence or spirit that is complete in itself and does not need to look outside for approval or love. A baby works from the premise of total self-love and self-acceptance. It is not worried about trying to impress or seek approval. A baby lives in the moment, asking for what it needs in that moment to thrive. A baby knows how to be its true authentic self. The newborn starts out with 2 basic fears - loud noises and the fear of falling. All other fears are fabricated as the child grows and interacts with the world.
How to question our thoughts?
When you are feeling upset, anxious or unhappy about a situation...
W - What is my thought about this situation?
H - How do I react or feel when I buy into this thought?
A - is there Absolute truth or fact to my thought?
T - Does Turning, flipping and dropping the thought provide a healthier,
more enlightened and beneficial perspective.
W - "My boss doesn't notice the extra time I put in."
H - "I feel taken advantage of and unappreciated."
A - FACT - "I have a hard time saying "no" so maybe the boss does not know that I am swamped with work. The boss did give me a raise last year and does allow me to take workshops. She doesn't tend to micromanage me so she must trust me to do the job right."
T - "I allow myself to be taken advantage of by not being able to be honest about my workload. I want to impress and seek approval from my boss by working longer hours. So it is not my boss who needs to change, it is me who needs to be honest about the situation and speak up. By adopting this new thought and dropping the old one, I feel more empowered and more in control of the situation."
Question and stand up to your thoughts. You define how you want to be and what you want to do in this life - it is nobody's business but your own. Your greatest gift to the world is your authentic self and your unique talents. Don't let your negative or fearful thoughts fool you otherwise. "W.H.A.T." are you thinking?
Bryon Katie goes into this thought questioning process in more detail and her site is well worth checking out.